Picking a Favorite Cactus

The Desert Sphere is home to many wonderful species of cacti, about three hundred or so from my count (no, that’s not the highest I can count! just kiddin’. I know you know that. At least I think you do) and it can be fun to decide which one is gonna be your favorite. Not only fun, but impooortant.

Why, you ask?

Cause what if someone asks and you’re caught off guard? Didn’t think about that, did ya?

But making a decision like this isn’t something that can be taken lightly. Similar to deciding whether you’re in the mood for a maple long john donut or a strawberry frosted with sprinkles donut, this is a decision whose implications will long outlast the time it took you to make your choice. Don’t worry, I know you’re sharp (haha. cactus joke)

There are three things to look for in a cactus

SHAPE

Sometimes you get stuck with a shape. Whether it’s noodly arms, or a lack of what some might think of as an average height. You should be proud of who you are! Life’s too short and death is too long to be unhappy with the you that is you.

But a cactus is different. You get to PICK the shape. Try to find one that you won’t get tired of lookin’ at. Maybe one of simple design, or one that stands tall above its cacti brothers and sisters.

Say you want one that’s shaped like a bunch of oven mittens. Who am I to judge? Here you go, friend. I give you, the prickly pear! (not to be confused with The Prickly Pair, which is what I call me and Tendy and will also be the name of our band some day)

ATTITUDE

You got one. I got one. We all got one. What do we got? Attitudes. Some of us are cool as a cucumber. Others of us can be pricks (Yet another cactus joke. Nailed it!)

Cacti are no different. You got loner types, social butterflies, intellectuals and those with sociopathic tendencies (Lookin at you la cholla). Pick one that you wouldn’t mind hanging out with. For instance, I admire the Joshua Tree.

It’s a cactus with the confidence of a tree. It’s versatile! Easily used as a place to put your hat, or acting as a Christmas tree in a pinch, this one really suits my fancy.

ACCESSORIES

As important as the cactus, is that which the cactus chooses to adooorn itself with. Be it a teensy little hat, or a fresh pair o’ googly eyes. Cacti fashion is what it’s all about! My favorite? Neon accent lighting.

Hope you enjoyed talkin’ cacti with me! And remember, no matter which cactus you choose, you got some sharp taste (I know. I know. Very similar to one of the other jokes. Sue me! haha. you can’t though, because yer dead)