Cash: Incoming Broadcast from Desert Skies
Mac: Desert Skies FMMMMM
Tendy: Greetings, Traveler! The Attendant here with our resident Mechanic
Tendy: and as you heard there at the beginning, our Computational and Service Help Register, also known simply as CASH.
As you’re making your way across the vast, beautiful, and mysterious Astral Plane. I wanted to take the time to tell you about something funny that happened at our little gas station the other day.
Mac: Can I just preface this story by saying that I don’t think it’s funny even one little bit? In fact, I find it a bit offensive.
Tendy: C’mon. It’s not that bad at all.
Mac: It’s embarrassing.
Tendy: This coming from the guy who collects embarrassing childhood memories as a hobby.
Tendy: Okay. So anyways. This happened a few travelers back. The coyotes came by to let us know that the Tarantula Kings were having their annual harvest ball. Mac, can you explain what a tarantula king is?
Mac: Uhhh, okay. A Tarantula King looks like a giant tarantula, but it’s not, it is in fact, many, many, many tarantulas formed together into on tarantula moving in perfect synchronization.
Tendy: Well said
Mac: I seriously don’t think anyone’s going to enjoy this story.
Tendy: I disagree
Mac: You know, this is entirely out of character of you.
Tendy: Yeah, well I have a reputation for being a bit of a wildcard.
Mac: You sure as hell do not.
Tendy: So, we leave Cash in charge of the station for a very short trip over to the dance, and I have to admit, it was pretty impressive. If you can imagine three foot tall tarantula kings dancing in pairs, it’s hard to find anything to compare.
Anywho, so we’re about to head back when suddenly Mac is invited to dance by one of the largest of the tarantula kings. Being the sport he is he says yes.
Mac: Tendy, it’s not too late to stop.
Tendy: I’m going for it. So here he is dancing with what is hundreds if not thousands of connected spiders when (starts laughing)
Tendy: Sorry, when HueHue sneaks up behind the tarantula king and howls, scaring it to the point that the tarantulas disconnected from the formation and quickly scurried onto Mac for safety, covering every inch of his body in spider.
Mac: Why is this funny to you?
Tendy: And then he just started screaming, all the way back to the station.
Mac: You think trauma is funny. You think trauma is funny, Tendy?
Tendy: I’m sorry, Mac. I didn’t mean anything by it. It was really funny, but if it bothered you then I am truly sorry.
Mac: Thank you. I accept your apology.
Tendy: Alright, moving onto our Safe Travel Trip of the Day.
Mac: (Sigh) Safe Travel Tips for Travelers on the Astral Plane
Tendy: And here’s your tip. Do not dance with Tarantula Kings
Mac: God damn you Tendy!
Tendy: I’m so sorry. The real travel tip of the…
Mac: No. Stop. I’m doing my part now. Nobody listens to your safety tips anyways.
Tendy: No need to get mean
Mac: Rest Your Weary Soul!!!!! Traveler. Cash!
Cash: Don’t yell at me.
Mac: You’re right. Sorry Cash. Music please.
Traveler, you’ve probably had some embarrassing things happen to you in your life. Hell, maybe your best friend even laughed when it happened.
Listen, there’s a reason why I enjoy embarrassing childhood memories. Because they happened when we were children. Now, I don’t remember my life on the Physical Plane. Side effect of being a full-time member of the Desert Skies staff, but I do know that most of the travelers with whom I discuss these stories will often look back at them with a sense of fond remembrance, a knowing smile lightly appearing at the edge of their lips. Unless of course, the memory happened when they were a teenager. Apparently that shit sticks with you forever.
And I’ve often wondered why it is that those funny memories from long ago don’t bother travelers now, not usually at least.
The best I can figure, we’re able to separate ourselves from those memories because children do embarrassing things, it’s what we expect from children. Why? Because they don’t have it all figured out yet, the world is new, and as such, the opportunity to put oneself in precarious and unflattering situations avail themselves often.
But, shouldn’t the same understanding be afforded to ourselves at our current age? We may think we have it figured out, but honestly, the world is still new to us, and we don’t have it figured out, even on this side of the Physical Plane. So, when you do something embarrassing show yourself some grace. Maybe even smile a little. You’re human. It’s going to happen, and not only to you but to everyone you know.
So take it easy on yourself Traveler. Rest your weary soul.
Tendy: Lovely as ever, Mac, but, that kind of sounds like I was right and you need to just calm down and laugh at yourself a little.
Mac: Are you serious Tendy. That’s the same thing, I was jumped by a thousand spiders. You’re an ass-hat you know that.
Tendy: I love you Mac
Mac: Yeaaaah, I love you too
Tendy: Sounds like a traveler. Cash, can you handle the promotions piece while Mac and I assist them?
Cash: I, um, I…
Tendy: Thanks, Cash. C’mon mac.
Cash: Um. Well. Desert Skies has all your favorite human food for driving in your buick skylark travel units.
We have a wide selection of candy bars with varieties of flavors that taste different to different humans, both because of diverse ingredients as well as variations in human taste bud receptors due to prolonged smoking and simple genetics.
Additionally, a new arrival to our inventory is wildflower scented car fresheners. This unique smell smells like wildflowers whose smell I am unfamiliar with, but which you, as a human, will likely find to be appealing unless of course you do not which is your right as a human, because humans have rights.
And that’s our broadcast.
If you’d like to learn more about Desert Skies, just visit a communication station along the Astral Highway. From there, be sure to visit desertskiespodcast.com, where you can sign our guestbook, read some articles, or access transcripts.
Also, be sure to subscribe to our primary podcast transmission simply called Desert Skies, available everywhere you listen to podcasts, I mean broadcast.
Now back to your regular programming.