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Mac: Desert Skies FMMMMMMM

Tendy: Greetings traveler, it’s the Attendant of Desert Skies here with the Mechanic.

Mac: Yo.

Tendy: Thanks for tuning in and giving us the opportunity to join you on this journey across the Celestial Spheres. It’s an honor to accompany you as you make your way to the next life, even if it’s just through your Buick Skylark’s sound system. We hope you enjoyed your visit to Desert Skies as much as we enjoyed having you. 

Mac: Sam, if you’re out there. I just want to take a moment to apologize for making light of your embarrassing childhood memory. You’re right, there’s no reason to think that you ripping a hole in the pants of your halloween costume while climbing the rope in gym class was funny. Dangling up there, your spider-man underwear peeking out from under the spandex. All those other kids laughing at ya.

Tendy: I don’t think you’re making things better, Mac.

Mac: I’m a sick man, Tendy. I need help.

Tendy: Sorry, Mac. The only help I can offer is the following safety tip.


Tendy: Follow the signs. Consult your map. Do not under any circumstances wander away from the highway without being certain of where you are.

The Astral Plane is largely unmapped. There are endless roads, thousands, maybe millions of paths that remain uncharted and if followed, could cause you to become lost.

If you lose your way to the Next Life, you may never find it again. If you stray to far from the highway, you may run out of Astral grade fuel and find yourself completely stranded in a strange and mysterious plane of existence.

Not trying to scare anyone. The journey truly is safe if you always, always, always, follow the map. Otherwise, who knows. You may find yourself trapped in a bewildering infinity completely separated from other conscious beings destined to wander and wander until you succumb to the dread of about uncertainty.

Mac: Absolutely ominous, Tendy.

Tendy: It’s possibly the most important safety tip of them all, Mac. Follow the map.

Mac: Now that Tendy has stressed you out to the point where your tummy hurts, it’s time to bring you back up a notch with a segment we like to call Rest Your Weary Soul. REST YOUR WEARY SOUL.

Normally I tend to go a little on the sad side during this segment, but not today. One of the best ways we can rest our souls, is to give them a little cradle of joy to nestle themselves in.

And where do we find this joy, traveler? In a little something called delight.

Delight. You know what it is. You found it all the time on the physical plane, especially when you were young. You’d watch a movie and delight in its humor, or its climactic fight scenes, or its gentle love story. You didn’t think about whether it was the best movie, or if it totally made sense. You just enjoyed it.

You delighted in biting into a candied apple on halloween, and you didn’t think about the fact that it had too much sugar, or that hidden under its delicious shell was a disgusting apple. These thoughts never occurred to you. You just enjoyed the treat for what it was.

But at some point in your life, you stopped delighting. Somebody made fun of a thing you liked, they said your music was lame, or your favorite movie was derided by critics, or that your spiderman underman was a middle school no-no. Or, even worse, maybe a grown-up said you were too old to delight in this or delight in that.

Listen traveler, they were wroooong. They only said that, because someone at some point said that to them.

You may be dead now, but it’s never to late to learn how to delight. Try it! Roll down your window traveler (Unless you’re on the Martian Sphere). Is your window rolled down? Great. Now stick your hand out the window. I promise, this is no trick. Is it out? Sweet. Here we go. Flatten out the hand and let it ride the current of the wind.

That’s fun isn’t it. In fact, maybe it’s even a little delightful. You probably haven’t done that since you were a kid, but hopefully you see now, you don’t have to be a kid to enjoy riding a hand airplane through the winds of the Astral Plane. Look for these delights, traveler. They are everywhere.

And I hope that in this practice, you’ve found some rest for your weary soul.

Tendy: We  should see if HueHue will take us for a ride later. I want to do the hand in the wind thing!

Mac: You betcha!
Tendy: And now, this message is for travelers freshly arriving from the physical plane. You’re probably asking yourself, why am I suddenly driving a Buick Sklyark through the desert? Unless of course you were already driving a Skylark through a desert, then nevermind. Just look for the Desert Skies neon sign. It’s the only gas station around and not hard to miss, it’s also the only place to find…

All your roadtrip favorites.

Are you the type who likes a hotdog with everything? Well, we have everything and more. Ketchup, yellow Mustard, dijon mustard, Mayonnaise, Dill Relish, Sweet Relish, Jalapenos, jerky bits, Melatonin balls, Tabasco peppers, salt, pepper, and 25 other condiments I can’t remember

And don’t forget to ask about our gum. There’s only one variety, but it is terrible. That said, it will whiten your teeth with only one stick. They say you can’t take it with you when you go, but apparently that doesn’t apply to dental plaque.

That’s our broadcast traveler. Safe travels!