(Transcripts may vary slightly from the published recording, because, you know, improvising. Also, grammar and punctuation may be imperfect…because…umm…Astral Plane.)
Int. The Long Paws – Rockabilly Plays – Bears Make Bear Sounds – Glass Clinking
Drystan: Jerry, now, before I show you my hand I need you to tell me that no matter what I show you, no matter what the outcome is, you’re gonna be cool about it. I don’t want you taking that bag big ol’ bear claw a yours and wiping my face with it. That don’t feel so good. I know you know that. It’s not okay, just cause you’re a bear.
Jerry: <Growls>
Drystan: Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what cards you have. Maybe you do got the upper paw. Why don’t you go ahead then? Show ‘em big boy.
Jerry: <Growls>
Drystan: Well, lookie there. Four nines makes it four of a kind. Good job, Jerry. Tell you what, friend. I’m just gonna call you the winner.
Jerry: <Growls. Slams table.>
Drystan: Jesus, Jerry. This is why I don’t like playing with you, you big ol’ bear baby. We’re just playin’ for pinecones. Don’t mean nothin’. Fine. You want to see my cards? Here you go. Royal Flush, now lets just all…
Jerry: <Slamming table. Glasses rattling. Pounding on Table>
Drystan: C’mon. Let me use my winnin’s to buy you a drink. I know you’re Pinin’ for one after that.
Jerry: <Growl>
Drystan: Of course you get to pour it, do I look like a bartender to you?
Jerry: <Growl>
Drystan: Oh, yeah. Well let me tell you what you look like you fat sack of fur.
<Earthquake. Glasses begin rattling lightly. Bears start crying>
Drystan: What in God’s green Anne-ah-gables is that, Jerry? An earthquake?
Jerry: <Growls>
Drystan: Yeah, buddy. You lead and I’ll follow.
Exterior – Sound of Marching – Trumpets
Xochitlicue (from distance): Onward. Do not slow. Do not retreat. Soon we enter the Desert Sphere, soon we shall make an end of the highway, we shall destroy the station, and then we shall crush the ferryman of the underworld.. Show no fear. Show no mercy. Together we overcome. Humans and Sphere movers.
Drystan: Destroy that gas station? But why? I can’t imagine that skinny kid and short stack ever did nothin’ to nobody. And what in the hell is a sphere mover?
Jerry: <Growls>
Drystan: What do you mean, you’re a sphere mover? More like a beer mover, maybe. Dammit, we gotta do somethin’ Jerry. You still got that car key I asked you to hold onto?
Jerry: <Growls>
Drystan: Alright Amigo.I don’t know what in the hell you and I can do about it, but I like those boys. They were real nice to me. Can’t let ‘em face whatevers headed their way alone. You ready?
Jerry: <Growls>
Drystan: Well, alright then big guy. Let’s roll! Oh, let me grab a few things from the stage, I’ll meet you out back. I get this itchy feelin’ I’m gonna need my guitar
Intro Theme Plays
Rain – Thunder- Car Pulls Up to Station – Window Rolls Down
Tendy: Hi there! Greetings. Look, I’d normally take more time to walk you through this,, but simply put, you’re dead. Here’s a pamphlet we printed out that can provide a few more details. For now I’m going to need you to pull your car around to the back of the station. Someone can show you where to park.
Footsteps
Mac: Hey Tendy! How’s it going up here?
Tendy: About as good as can be expected. I find that if I don’t go into a whole lot of detail I can keep them moving faster. How many more batteries do you need?
Mac: Not sure. Is Cash down from the mountain yet?
Tendy: I haven’t seen her. Listen, Mac. I know you think that your plan is going to work, but I just feel like maybe the approach is a little…I don’t know, soft? We could have an entire robot army at our disposal. That could be all we need to stop Xochitlicue and the others. Don’t forget, they have laser arms. I thought you liked the laser arms.
Mac: Oh, you know I love them laser arms, but, Cash don’t love the laser arms. Plus, Tendy. Remember what Mesonia said. We’re supposed to follow the path of the tokens. So far, we got four tokens. The first one we already used on the arcade game to get the key, and the key, we used to get the guitar. Now we got the guitar and Cash left.
Together, they’re the key to facing Xochitlicue, I know it, and so far this is the only way I can think of to make that happen. Whenever it’s time to make a decision, you always tell me you’re the Attendant, and then I follow your lead. Well, Tendy, I’m tellin’ you. I’m the Mechanic, and it’s my job to fix this.
But if what I want to do doesn’t work, we can always go laser arms on em. But I don’t think we’ll have to.
Tendy: You’re the mechanic. I trust you. If you’re sure.
Mac: I’m not. But I think it’s our best shot.
Tendy: Okay.
Sound of Robot Approaching
Mac: Yooo. Soldier frame Cash.
Cash: You can just call me Cash, Mechanic. Is the transmitter ready?
Mac: Just about. I think Betty wants us to get just a few more car batteries before we switch it on.
Tendy: Does she really think the batteries are going to be enough to reach the other C.A.S.H units? Because if not, we can always ask Corson to…
Mac: It’s too dangerous, Tendy. A lightning strike could completely fry the transmitter, not to mention, fry Cash here. She’s gonna be hooked up to this thing, remember?
Tendy: That’s right. Sorry, Cash, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m just getting a little nervous.
Cash: No need to apologize, Attendant. I’m getting a little nervous too. Have been for a while.
Mechanic, I saw all the Skylarks parked behind the station.
Mac: Yeah, Dale’s back there with Shirley, pulling out Buick batteries and attaching them to the transmitter.
Cash: What about Corson and all of the travelers?
Mac: Inside the station.
Cash: Inside the station?
Mac: Last time I saw him he was drawing letters and numbers on a bunch of cards
Cash: For what?
STATION INT.
Sound of Bingo Spinner
Corson: Does anyone have B7? B7?
Traveler: Bingo!
Corson: Well done, bitch. Come claim your prize.
STATION EXT.
Mac: No clue. Tendy, I’m going to take Cash around to the back of the station to get her plugged into the transmitter. You okay up here?
Tendy: Actually, Mac. There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.
Mac: Sure, bud. Cash you go ahead, I’ll meet you over there.
What is it, Tendy?
Tendy: When you were down in the basement with…I’m sorry…
Mac: Betty
Tendy: Right, Betty. When you were down there with Betty, Mr. Edwards told us about a vision he used to have when he was the Attendant. The vision was about you and I, Mac.
Mac: And…
Tendy: Well, I can’t remember the whole thing, but it said that for one of us, the role continues, for the other, the role will end. Mac, what if when all this is over…
Mac: Bud?
Tendy: What if when all this is over, one of us has to leave?
Mac: Have to leave? Nah, maybe that’s not what it meant. You and I? We’re like cookies and cream, bud. Like, mayonnaise and pickled pigs feet.
Tendy: That doesn’t sound…
Mac: What I’m tryin’ to say is, we’ve worked together so long. You’re not just my coworker, you’re my best friend. I don’t know when I’m headin’ down that road, but I’m not doing it without you, Tend.
Tendy: Even if it meant you’d know who you are…who you were, on the physical plane? Know your name?
Mac: My name? I didn’t even think about that. But you’re right. Still, Tendy. You got nothin’ to worry about.
Tendy: Mac, if you did decide to leave, I wouldn’t hold it against you.
Mac: Look, for now, let’s just focus on savin’ the station. I’ll be back, Bud. You good?
Tendy: Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.
Mac: Rock on, Attendon’
Transition
Dale: You sure that’s going to be enough batteries?
Betty: If that ain’t enough batteries, we’re not gonna get enough batteries. Ms. Robot Lady…
Cash: Cash
Betty: Are you ready for this?
Cash: I am.
Betty: Okay, then. Miss Shirley is ready to flip the converter switch. When she does that, the signal will be yours, and then, it’s go time.
Cash: Okay. Flip the switch…
Shirley: Commencing switch flip. Here goes.
Switch Flips
Power up sound
Cash: Emitting control signal.
Large Radar Ping Sound
Mac: You feel anything yet, Cash?
Cash: No, Mechanic. I’m not receiving anything back. Maybe we can’t reach them from this dist…
Mac: Cash?
Cash: I can feel them, mechanic. I can feel all of them. I have control.
Mac: Yesss!
Tendy: Hey guys, we heard the sound of the signal.
Corson: Any luck, my dear?
Cash: You can turn it off now, Shirley. All of the other Cash units have received the directive. They know to travel to the station as quickly as possible. Some will be faster than others, but at any rate, they should begin arriving soon.
Corson: Excellent news, Cash. We may have a chance at beating this thing after all. That is, if we do what I’m suggesting instead of following you-know-who’s plan?
Mac: I know who you’re talking about
Cash: How are the travelers in the station doing?
Corson: Oh, fine. We were playing Corson Says. I told them Corson says to keep their mouths shut and stay inside the station. So far, it seems to be working.
Tendy: Well, everyone. We’ve done what we can do. I don’t know how this is gonna turn out, but, well, I choose to trust the mechanic. If anyone can fix what’s broken on the Astral Plane, it’s Mac.
Mac: Thanks, Bud.
Corson: An entire army of slightly flawed remarkably dangerous robots headed our way and we’re seriously going to waste them on…
Sound of Horses and Carriage Approaching – Door Opens – Footsteps
Corson: Mesonia. It’s been ages.
Mesonia: Hello, Corson. You are a sight for sore eyes. I felt your storm pass through my sphere recently and hoped I might find you here. I came as fast as I could. Xochitlicue, the other sphere movers, and their armies are making their way here. Soon, they will arrive.
Corson: I’m glad you’re here, milady. Maybe you can try talking some sense into everyone. The mechanic, you see, he intends to…
Mesonia: I don’t care what he intends to do, Corson. He is the Mechanic, and the time of the Mechanic has come.
Corson: And what if we fail?
Tendy: Then we fail together.
Dale: Hand in hand
Mac: Arm in laser arm.
Cash: Laser arm in coyote paw.
Huehue: Bark
Jerry: Growls
Drystan: And coyote paw in a bear claw. Y’all ready to die…again?
Mac: Drystan, you’re here! And Jerry.
Drystan: Figured you gave me that key for a reason. Might as well stop by. Wasn’t sure if we’d be able to get ahead of ‘em, but Jerry knows some back roads.
Mesonia: How are you my friend?
Jerry: Growls
Mesonia: I know. I’m a little scared too. But it’s all so exciting, isn’t it?
Betty: I’m sorry, but who are all these people, and animals?
Distant sound of trumpet blaring
Tendy: We’ll have to save introductions for later. They’re almost here. Does everyone know what they’re doing?
EVERYONE: Yes
Corson: Fine. Yes. I’m ready. I know what I’m doing. Nothing…I’m doing nothing.
Tendy: Good enough. Let’s do this.
Transition – Basement Scene – Door Closes – Steps Down Stairs
Mac: Okay. Okay. I’m ready for this. I’m ready for this. I’m… not ready to do this.
Betty: Mechanic. It’s just a guitar. You’ve been practicing and you’re doing wonderfully.
Mac: When I get even a tiny bit nervous I mess up the chords. What was I thinking? This is a stupid idea.
Betty: Now hold on there, Bucko. This was partly my idea too.
Mac: I know. I know. But your part is smart. My part is…not smart. What if I get everyone hurt? Maybe, Tendy’s right. Maybe we should be fightin’ fire with fire.
Betty: You know what happens when you fight fire with fire?
Mac: I dunno. Somethin’ kickass?
Betty: No. You just get more fire. Mechanic. Look, if there’s a reason you and I have been brought together, it’s this. Trust your instinct. Now, you wanna go through it one more time?
Mac: Yeah, okay.
Transition
Cash: Are you sure it’s okay for us to be up here? I’m a little heavy in this soldier frame.
Dale: This station’s exactly as I built it on the physical plane, and that means it was built tough.
Shirley: You make it sound like you’re the only one who built it, young man. I swing a mean hammer if you remember.
Dale: I told you to stop callin’ me young man, Shirl. It’s not funny.
Cash: It is a little funny.
Shirley: See, Cash thinks it’s funny.
Cash: How’s the sound system coming along?
Shirley: I pulled every speaker from the store and the basement. Made a makeshift microphone from this intercom. I wish it was louder but it should do the trick. Can you see anything yet, Cash?
Cash: I can. They haven’t reached the mountain yet, but almost.
Shirley: How many?
Cash: Um. I can’t tell from this distance.
Shirley: Yes, you can. How many?
Cash: There’s a lot, Shirley. Like, a lot a lot.
Transition
Sound of Trunk Opening
Mesonia: The Prime Mover? In here?
Jerry: Growl
Corson: I don’t know how she did it. If it’s even true. We’ve tried opening it, but to no avail.
Mesonia: The power to entrap a spirit like this, not to mention that of the Prime Mover. I’ve no idea where Xochitlicue could even learn of such an enchantment.
Corson: I think I know where she may have learned it.
Mesonia: Oh?
Corson: Does the name Cihuacoatl ring a bell?
Huehue: Bark
Mesonia: Xochitlicue’s sister? Yes, but it’s been many ages since she’s been seen.
Jerry: Growls
Mesonia: You don’t remember? She and Xochitlicue are sisters, but could not be more different from one another. Where Xochitlicue planted the seeds of life, Cihuacoatl was obsessed with the taking of souls. Abducting travelers making their ways across the planes. Stowing their spirits away never to be seen again. In time, Xochitlicue became every bit as devious.
Drystan: Forgive me for eavesdropping, but what happened to her? Cihua…
Mesonia: Cihuacoatl. She was banished from this plane and sent to the physical. Which is why I must ask, why mention her, Corson? What does she have to do with this?
Corson: Because when I spoke with Xochitlicue, I swear I could hear Cihuacoatls voice.
Mesonia: But that’s impossible. No soul in the physical realm can commune with the Astral realm.
Corson: Have you spoken with the blue lady yet?
Mesonia: No, but who is she? Some sort of spirit?
Corson: A projection of one.
Mesonia: Projection? From where?
Corson: The Physical Plane.
Mesonia: A human. A spirit that’s bound to Earth. Is here? on the Astral Plane?
Corson: Indeed.
Mesonia: But that means…
Corson: That Xochitlicue is possibly being possessed by her sister, even from the Physical Plane. That explains why she was able to trap the spirit of the Prime Mover in this box.
Mesonia: Perhaps. Perhaps it does. But even one with the knowledge needed to capture a spirit like that, they would not be able to capture the Prime Mover.
Drystan: Unless he wanted to be captured.
Mesonia: Why would he want to be captured?
Drystan: I don’t know. At one point, I myself wandered into a box, a big one, called the Long Paws, and I didn’t leave until I thought it was the right time.
Mesonia: Curious. If such were the case, I hope the time for the Prime Mover to leave his box comes soon. Before it’s too late.
Sound of Horn Blaring – Marching Approaching
Mesonia: They’re here.
Corson: The other C.A.S.H. units aren’t here yet. We need more time.
HueHue: Bark
Corson: What do you mean you have an idea?
HueHue: Growl Bark
Corson: Are you insane? I don’t even know if I could do it again.
HueHue: Bark
Corson: The blue floating lady. Yes, I can find her.
HueHue: Bark
Corson: Your trust means the sphere to me, HueHueCoyotl. Really it does. But what if it doesn’t work? Wait, where are you going, Coyote?! Oh, god.
Transition
Xochitlicue: Stewards of the Desert Sphere. The time for your destruction is at hand. If you surrender willingly I promise to make your annihilation only half as painful as it would be otherwise.
Oh, who do we have here? Why? It’s HueHueCoyotl. You devious little mangie sneak. The last time we met, you and the Prime Mover had the upper hand, but now I’m the one with the advantage and the Prime Mover is no more! You might remember some of my friends:
Morfran: Morfran, captain of th Swampy 7th sphere. Long time, no see, dog.
Ceto: Keetaw, master of the 27th sphere where the oceans are filled with monsters
Dusek: I am Dusek and I oversee the 13th sphere. The one that is…Haunted
Doug: I am Doug from the sphere of Doug. Sphere 18. The Sweetest Sphere.
HueHue: Growl
Xochitlicue: You say you’ve seen enough? I’ve shown you some of my friends, coyote. Now show me yours.I see a carriage and it’s raining. Where are they, HueHue. Where’s the princess and the game slinger?
HueHue: Bark
Xochitlicue: Trade me? You have nothing I want. I’m here to destroy what remains of your highway, burn your station to the ground, remove your friends from existence, and then I shall rule the Spheres. The Astral Plane will be mine.
Doug: Uh, what do you mean, yours? What about Doug?
Xochitlicue: Doug, please shut up.
HueHue: Growl Bark
Xochitlicue: Join me? The great HueHueCoyotl serving my purposes? In exchange for what?
HueHue: Growl Bark
Xochitlicue: Destroy the station but free the staff? It’s an interesting idea, but I would always be at risk of you stabbing me in the back. No. No deal. Now, step aside, coyote, or face my wrath. I have a job to do.
HueHue: Growl Bark
Xochitlicue: Really? You would be willing to give up your existence, for them? Now that is intriguing. An Astral Plane where I wouldn’t have to worry about HueHueCoyotl.
Tendy: Wait, what’s going on out here?
Xochitlicue: Who are you?
Tendy: I am the Attendant.
Xochitlicue: So, it wasn’t the old man, afterall.
Tendy: Nope. I’m the new guy.
Xochitlicue: Oh, Attendant, how I long to snap you in two. But our mutual friend here has made me an offer that would result in me sparing your life. I’m thinking about taking him up on it.
Tendy: An offer? What is she talking about, HueHue?
HueHue: Growl Bark
Tendy: Let her remove you from existence? You can’t do that, HueHue! Do you really think she’s going to keep her promise? The second you’re gone she’ll make sure we’re gone too. She’s a liar
Xochitlicue: He’s a big coyote, Attendant, let him make his own decisions. HueHue, I accept your offer. You have my word as a sphere mover that I will spare your friends.
Tendy: HueHue, what are you doing? Don’t go to her. Xo…Xochitlicue, put him down, please!
Xochitlicue: Yes. Yes. Come here, doggy. Once you’re gone, there will be nothing left to stand in my way.
Betty: Xochitlicue!
Xochitlicue: What? Who are you? What magic is this?
Betty: I am the Primer Mover.
Xochitlicue: The….Primer Mover? Corson where are you? Is this one of your tricks? Show yourself.
Betty: Oh, it is no trick I assure you. I am the greatest of all the movers, in all the spheres. Behold…
SOUND OF THUNDER CRASHING
Xochitlicue: More lightning? Seen it. Archers, destroy her!
Archer: Ready, Aim, Fire!
Sound of Arrows Whizzing through the Air
Betty: Oh, geez. Oh, that doesn’t even tickle.
Morfron: It goes right through her.
Ceto: She is greater than the Prime Mover indeed.
Betty: Indeed I am, Bucko. Now put down that coyote before I strike you down with a…ah, geez,….with a…fireball?
Xochitlicue: I doubt it.
Dusek: But perhaps we shouldn’t test her on it. What if she is the Primer Mover?
Xochitlicue: There’s no such thing.
Betty: Okaaaaay, then. You leave me no choice. Prepare to face my wrath.
Xochitlicue: Well, where is it?
Betty: Where’s what?
Xochitlicue: Your wrath?
DoorBell Ring
Xochitlicue: What is that sound?
Betty: Oh that? That’s probably the guy who’s here to look at my refrigerator. Oh, I guess I gotta go guys. Real sorry about that. I’ll come back as soon as I can.
Corson: Seriously? God, I hate humans. Byeeee
Xochitlicue: Corson! I knew it.
Doug: Doug wants to know what in the hell that was.
Xochitlicue: Well, Doug, that was a distraction of some kind. I knew I couldn’t trust you HueHueCoyotl.
Growling and biting
Xochitlicue: Let go of my hand!! You’ll pay for that, furball. Enough with these games and this nonsense. The time for your destruction is at hand, Attendant. Soldiers, seize them! Seize all of them.
Sound of Robot Steps
C.A.S.H.: Don’t even think about it, Xochitlicue.
Xochitlicue: I’m so tired of being interrupted! Oh, it’s you. This is where you’ve been hiding.
Cash: This is where I belong.
Xochitlicue: Oh, General Cash. Of all the things I hate in all of the spheres. Do you know? I hate you the most.
Cash: Why? Because I wouldn’t fight the Prime Mover? It was wrong, Xochitlicue. You know it. You’re a sphere mover, you’re benevolent! This isn’t why you exist!
Xochitlicue: You abandoned me. You, nothing but bolts and circuitry. You abandoned me and nearly cost me the battle against the Prime Mover. You, perhaps the most insignificant thing in all the Astral Plane. I will enjoy crushing you more than I enjoy anything else I crush today
Cash: You’ll enjoy no such thing. Xochitlicue.
Sound of Robot Army Arriving – Uplifting Music
Cash: Your armies are surrounded. Thousands of Cash units, all under my command.
Xochitlicue: A proper battle then. You and your band of defunct robotics are still no match against the combined forces of our armies.
Cash: I don’t want to fight you, Xochitlicue. And I don’t want your armies to get hurt. They’re just innocent travelers. Look, as long as you don’t make a move, I’ll keep the other Cash Units from attacking. Please, I just need you to listen.
Xochitlicue: Listen to what?
Sound of Mic Check – Guitar
Mac: Uh…listen to me
Doug: Oh, cool. A concert!
Xochitlicue: Doug! And who exactly are you?
Mac: Me? I’m the Mechanic. I work here.
Xochitlicue: It’s an infestation.
Cash: Xochitlicue, please. Just listen to him…
Xochitlicue: Or you’ll do what?
Cash: Or I’ll use the thousands of lasers I have waiting at my disposal to give you one hell of a fight, but please don’t make me do that…
Guitar Strum
Mac: Xochitlicue, uh, other sphere movers. My name is Mac and as I said before, I am the Mechanic. It’s my job to fix it.
Xochitlicue: Fix what?
Mac: You, uh, I..I think. That’s what a mechanic does, at least, that’s what I think a mechanic is meant to do on the Astral Plane. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and a friend of mine helped me realize somethin’. Xochitlicue, I think maybe you forgot, and the only way to fix it, is for you to remember.
Xochitlicue: I don’t know what you think you’ve realized, Mechanic, but if there’s one thing I do not do, it’s forget.
Mac: Well, just the same, I’d like to play you a song. My fingers are a little wet, and the papers a little soaked and hard to read, and I’m a little scared. But, okay. Here it goes.
Sound of Guitar Being Strummed Poorly
Mac: I’m sorry. I…give me a moment.
Sound of Guitar Being Strummed Poorly
Mac: Oh, where’s Betty? I can’t do this.
Tendy: Yeah, you can Mac. You got this.
Mac: Nah, Tendy. Corson was right. This was a stupid idea.
Dale Edwards: You stop that son. You’re the mechanic. I believe in you.
Shirley: And so do I, young man
Cash: Mechanic, you can do it
Mesonia: You have our trust, Mechanic
HueHue: Bark
Corson: Mechanic, I’m wrong all the time. Haven’t you realized that? Now Please. Play.
Mac: I can’t do this by myself.
Drystan: Of course you can’t. This isn’t supposed to be a solo gig. I made sure to bring my guitar here, thought it might come in handy, and Jerry’s hooking up his bass to the amp. Hopefully the roof can hold him.
Jerry: Roar
Drystan: I’m not calling you fat, man. You’re literally a bear. These the chords here?
Mac: I’m sorry, they’re all wet.
Drystan: That’s okay. I’ve read plenty of chord charts through tears and those are a lot more salty. Okay, you lead, friend. Jerry and I’ll back you up.
Xochitlicue: Mechanic, whatever ridiculous thing you’re going to do, finish it quickly so we can move on to the main event
Mac: Does Jerry need the chord chart?
Drystan: He would if he knew how to read
Jerry: Growl
Drystan: Dammit, Jerry, you’re a bear, man. Nobody expects a bear to know how to read. Go ahead, Mechanic.
Mac: (Phew) Okay, Here goes.
Here we are
It’s plain to see
That I’ve hurt someone close to me
I never meant for things to get so bad
When I do
The things I do
These words I say as if they’re true
And all the things I do to make you sad
Did I forget who I am?
Did I forget who you are?
Did I forget we have each other
And that when I’ve gone too far
You’re still my friend
You’ll always be
Then you look down and say to me
Little sister, just remember, who you are
Cheering Sound From Soldiers
Tendy: Encore!
Cash: Well, done, Mechanic
Betty: That was gorgeous, Mechanic. Sorry I missed the first half. But my fridge is fixed so that’s good!
Mac: Uh…Fridge?
Xochitlicue: That’s it? Some stupid little song? Do you really have no idea who I am? You play songs for me when you should be quivering and on your knees. You are in the presence of terrible greatness. I’ve conquered worlds! I lead the leaders of worlds.
Mac: What? You don’t lead nothin’. You think these guys follow you because they like you? They’re terrified of you. They only do what you say because they think it’ll get them what they want. Or what they think they want.
Xochitlicue: That’s not true. They are my friends.
Mac: That’s not what they are. And this isn’t what you are! You’re Xochitliue. Mover of the 23rd sphere. Cash told me about the flowers you grew on your planet, gorgeous fields that stretched as far as they eye can see.
Xochitlicue: My…flowers?
Mac: A traveler driving through the 23rd sphere would’ve rolled down their window, and the smell would have been amazing!
Xochitlicue: It was the most wonderful smell in the Astral Plane.
Mac: Well, you’ve never microwaved a Clam Linguini in White Wine Butter Sauce burrito, so I’m gonna give you a pass, but….
Xochitlicue: What’s happening? What am I doing? I didn’t….NO! She’s mine, do you understand?! I won’t let you take her from me!
Mac: What are you talking about? Take who from you?
Xochitlicue: Sphere Movers, lead your armies, wage war against these fools, destroy the highway, then lay waste to this station, crush the robot army, reclaim the spheres
Cash: What do I do Attendant? I really don’t want to hurt her human army.
Xochitlicue: Surprise. Surprise. Who would have known that when faced with the opportunity to fight, the robot would cower and leave you in danger? I know the feeling, Attendant. Now step aside and let us finish what we started. Beginning with the destruction of the last bit of this “Grand” Highway, without which, no traveler will be able to escape my grasp.
Tendy: The one will break the broken.
Xochitlicue: I’m sorry…what was that?
Tendy: Cash. Are you able to control the other Cash Units from here.
Attendant: Yes, Attendant. They’re within’ range. But, why?
Tendy: Destroy the highway.
Cash: But, Attendant…
Tendy: Cash, and you Corson, please, destroy the rest of the highway.
Mac: Tendy, seriously? You’re helping her? What’s gotten into you?
Corson: Attendant?
Tendy: The one will break the broken, the other one will mend
Mac: Uh, come again.
Tendy: I’m gonna break it
Mac: Okay?
Tendy: And you’re gonna make it
Mac: Okay
Tendy: Destroy it now!
Sounds of Laser and Lightning Crashing
Xochitlicue: Yes! I was wrong about you, Attendant. You’re not as stupid as you look.
Tendy: And you’re not as smart as you pretend to be.
Xochitlicue: How dare you speak to me so rudely. Where do you get off you ridiculous twig of a man.
Tendy: You’re a sphere mover, Xochitlicue. You all are. You were given the greatest job in all the universe, the guiding of souls through the Astral Plane. Every new traveler gave you the opportunity to live out your identity. To love, and lead, and protect. You and your spheres gave birth to wonders that ignited human souls, refined their spirits, prepared them for the next life. Yours, the noblest of professions.
Xochitlicue: Is it noble to stoop so low as to serve that which is beneath you?
Tendy: It’s noble to know that no one is beneath you. That every spirit has value. Has worth. Whether a sphere mover, or a human, or a tarantula king. But now, their highway is no more, and never again will a traveler make their way to the next life. You all had a job to do, and now you’ll never get to do it.
Ceto: Xochiltlicue, what is hap<Zap>pening to me.
Dusek: It’s happening to me as well. I am… I a<Zap>m…
Tendy: We call it subbing. It means you have significant unfinished business. In this case, you didn’t do your damn job, and now you’ll never be able to
Xochitlicue: Attendant, what is this sor<Zap>cery?
Tendy: If you don’t figure out how you’re going to deal with your unfinished business, you’re going to Sub out completely. Mac thinks you become a ghost on the Physical Plane. But I think you sub your way out of existence.
Xochitlicue: This can’t be happening. I can’t have been beaten by a mere human
Mac: Not to mention one with noodly arms
Tendy: Mac, I did my part. Now it’s time for you to do yours.
Mac: But I don’t know what to do. The song was my only idea.
Cash: Attendant, Mechanic, my apologies for interrupting but you should draw your attention to the direction of the physical plane.
Corson: What is it? It’s so…beautiful
Mesonia: A magnificent bird…of many colors. It’s so large.
Mac: I don’t think that’s a bird.
Betty: That is definitely not a bird. That’s a Ford Tri-Motor.
Tendy: Whatever it is, it’s headed straight towards us. Get out of the way everyone!
Sound of Plane Rough Landing – Door to Plane Opens
Greg: Is everyone okay, there?! It was kind of dark and I didn’t expect there to be so many people. If I ran you over I’m sorry about that.
Betty: Oh, Greg! You’re a sight for sore eyes. You big dummy, why’d you have to go and get yourself dead? Wait, what are you holding? Who’s this?
Greg: I found her buckled into the co-pilots seat. She’s so tiny.
Tendy: You must have been someone really special on the Astral Plane.
Greg: What makes you say that?
Tendy: Because this is an honor reserved for only the kindest of travelers, to accompany a child through the Astral Plane.
Betty: What’s her name?
Tendy: Check the tag on her shirt. They always put it there.
Greg: It says Tori Kendall. Age 5 months
Mac: Tendy
Tendy: She’s token 5.
Mac: Greg, may I?
Greg: Of course. Here you go. There…
Mac: Well, look at you. Oh, got my beard. Who’s gonna help me save the Astral Plane? Huh? Who’s gonna help me save the Astral Plane. You! You’re gonna help me save the Astral Plane. Come on. I want you to meet somebody
Xochitlicue…
Tendy: Mac, what are you doing?!
Mac: Xochitlicue. Here. Hold this.
Xochitlicue: Don’t you dare put that disgusting creature in my….hands
She has a flower in her hair. An Easter Lilly. The little ones…they..always loved my flowers
Cihuacoatl: Nooooo
Dusek: They had no fear of my ghouls and goblins. They laughed at them. So delightful that sound
Corson: The older ones would splash in my puddles
Mesonia: And how they adored my horses
Xochitlicue: Did I…Did I forget who I am?
Corson: Did I forget who you are?
Dusek: Did I forget we have each other?
Cash: And that when I’ve gone too far
Tendy: You’re still my friend
Mac: You’ll always be!
Xochitlicue: Then you look down…and say to me.
Prime Mover: Xochitlicue.
Xochitlicue: Prime mover
Cihuacoatl: Nooooo
Prime Mover: Little sister…just remember…who you are
Sound of Cihuacoatl being Exercised
Xochitlicue: What have I done? I’m…I’m sooo
Prime Mover: So loved, my friend. So loved. It is good to see the light in your eyes again. All of you. Jerry, HueHue, Mesonia, and Corson. How I’ve missed you.
Xochitlicue: I’m sorry that I trapped you
Prime Mover: You did no such thing. I’m the Prime Mover! You can’t keep me in a box, but I can keep myself in one. It was very peaceful, actually.
Xochitlicue: But why? Why would you let me do that? Why would you let me destroy the highway?
Prime Mover: Mechanic?
Mac: Uh, me?
Prime Mover: You are the Mechanic aren’t you?
Mac: I am.
Prime Mover: I thought so. Why would you let our friends here destroy the highway?
Mac: Um…so they can fix it!
Prime Mover: See, that’s why I hired you! You have a knack for these things. The Grand Highway, it was necessary for a time, but it was never that grand. The highway was designed to protect travelers from danger. And it did, for a while.
But the Astral Plane was never meant to be passed through, it was meant to be experienced. You’re the Sphere Movers, do you know what that means?
Corson: It means we move the Spheres.
Prime Mover: The Spheres move just fine on their own. You move the travelers through your sphere. Each of you were created unique, given a sphere and a purpose.
Corson: And that purpose is?
Prime Mover: Refinement. Jerry here, for instance, travelers stand under the massive pines in his Forest Sphere, and they realize how insignificant their worries really are.
Corson, travelers crossing the rocky wet terrain of the your sphere, it shows them how strong they can be.
Mesonia, as they sit in your carriage protected from the harsh elements of the red territory, they know that they’re loved and cared for, even in the afterlife
And after thirty-two spheres, they arrive at my gate, souls refined and ready to be moved to the next life.
Tendy: So why keep the station? Why rebuild the highway? Why not let the travelers go by foot
Prime Mover: Because, since we built this station, I’ve found that there’s something about the pur of an engine on a lonely highway that just does something to their souls,
Mac: What’s it do?
Prime Mover: I don’t know, but I know that it’s good.
So, Xochitlicue, let’s rebuild the highway together, and we’ll add twists and turns and lead them to many good stops along the way. What do you say?
Xochitlicue: I would like that, Prime Mover.
Prime Mover: I was hoping you’d say that, my friend. Now, Mechanic and Attendant
Tendy: Sir
Mac: Yes, Prime Mover
Prime Mover: You have done so well, and I knew that you would. You worked together, and with strength, cunning, and bravery, you’ve restored the Astral Plane to its rightful state.
Attendant, I know you feel the need to know who you were, and you will someday, but for now I would like you to remain and continue to prepare travelers for their journey across the spheres.
Tendy: I would like to know who I was, but I can wait, and I would be honored to stay on as the Attendant for as long as needed
Prime Mover: Good. Good. Mechanic, you’ve done well, but now the age of the mechanic has come to an end. You’ve done your job. It’s time to resign, my friend, and to make your way to the next life.
Cash: Gasp
Tendy: Mac?
Mac: Resign? I’d get my memories back. I’d know who I am
Prime Mover: You would indeed.
Mac: I shouldn’t. I should stay here with you guys. Tendy, I promised
Tendy: Mac, you’re my best friend, but you can’t stay here forever. As much as I want you to, I can’t ask you to do that.
Cash: The Attendant is right, Mechanic. Even with as much joy as you’ve brought me. You made a robot laugh. You deserve this.
Tendy: Mechanic, your shift is over. Go, and learn who you are. I’ll see you on the other side.
Prime Mover: Come with me into the station, Mechanic, and we’ll make it official. Cash, you as well, please.
Mac: Oh, my God. This is really happening. Okay, okay, I’m coming. Tendy, I’ll come see you before I go.
Shirley: I’m sorry Attendant, I know how much the Mechanic means to you. But you’re right to let him go.
Tendy: I know, but it doesn’t feel right for some reason. I just don’t feel like it’s time yet.
Shirley: Alas, I feel our time here has come to an end as well. What do you say, Daddy? Are you ready for what waits on the other side?
Dale: Nah, I don’t think I am, but I’ll follow wherever you lead, baby girl.
Tendy: Thank you so much, both of you, for everything
Shirley: Thank you Attendant. I’ve so enjoyed our time together. You’re the right person for this job, you know. You have, heart, the kind of heart it takes to guide a weary soul down a long and lonely highway. The quality of every good attendant. I wish you well.
Now, Are you ready young man?
Dale: Ready as I’ll ever be. So long, son.
Tendy: So long.
Steps
Drystan: Well, Attendant. I just wanted to come by and say bye.
Tendy: You’re finally gonna hit the road, huh
Drystan: Well, kinda. That guy and his sister said I could join them on their flight. One way trip to the next plane. I was never much of a fan of drivin’ anyways. Here. Catch this.
Tendy: They key to your car.
Drystan: Nah, the key to your car. Maybe you’ll get more use out of it than I did.
Tendy: Thanks, Drystan. The next life is going to be better with you in it.
Drystan: Yeah, maybe. Maybe you’re right. Adios, Amigo. Oh, and if you get the chance, give Jerry a hug. He didn’t take the news so well. I’m gonna miss that sack of fur.
Tendy: I’ll…think about it.
Drystan: ‘Preciate it. Till we meet again.
Tendy: Till we meet again.
Footsteps Approaching
Tendy: Mac! How did it go?
Mac: It went pretty damn good.
Tendy: And you know who you are now?
Mac: Yeah, Tendy, I do.
Tendy: That’s…That’s great! And who are you?
Mac: Well…Ope, here comes the Prime Mover
Prime Mover: Well, well, well. This has been some day.
Tendy: It has. What happens next?
Prime Mover: Well, next, we build. Cash has generously offered to assist with construction along with her robot companions. It shouldn’t take long before the highway is open again. The humans that Xochitlicue had taken will be assisted across the Astral Plane by foot, the old fashioned way. The travelers in the station will make the trip via Skylark, though the road will be quite bumpy. By the way, you may need to order more snacks.
Tendy: That bad, huh?
Prime Mover: Completely empty. You know, you’ve been sending travelers on a journey that you yourself have never made. You should take some time, maybe visit a few spheres every now and then. You have a plane now, and a pilot, and a floating blue co-pilot
Tendy: Leave the station unattended?
Prime Mover: Well, yes, but, take this. A token of my appreciation.
Tendy: An Open Closed sign
Prime: Hang it on the door. Change it to closed as needed. Travelers will stop arriving until you flip it back over.
Mac: So, people stop dying?
Prime Mover: No, they keep dying, but, time doesn’t really exist here, you know.
Mac: I know. And it’s really confusing.
Prime Mover: Well, time to get to work. Thank you again. Farewell, Attendants.
Tendy: Attendants? Don’t you mean Attendant?
Prime Mover: No. No, I don’t.
Tendy: Mac? But you said you know who you are.
Mac: I do, Tendy. I’m your friend. That’s all I wanna be right now. Besides, I told the Prime Mover you can’t do this without me.
Tendy: You’re not leaving?
Mac: Ah, don’t start cryin’. I’ll start cryin’
When I went into the station, I asked the prom mover if, instead of resigning, if there were any other positions open. And he said, I don’t know. Maybe there are.
And I said, well, because I was kind of thinking, you know, maybe we could use another attendant around here. And then, attendee, you know that face I make when I’ve already had like four burritos and you say, hey, Mac, you want another burrito and I look at you and my eyes get all wild and I smile all big and then I just start nodding my head all slow?
Tendy: The one that I always say is a little disconcerting.
Mac: Exactly! That’s the face the prime mover was making. And then he said, the age of the attendants has begun.
Tendy: He really said that?
Mac: Yeah, look, he even gave me a button that says it. Whoa, look at that, Tendy! Looks like they’re on their way.
Tendy: That really is beautiful.
Mac: <chuckle>
Tendy: What’s so funny?
Mac: It’s the Astral Plane, Tendy. Get it?
Tendy: Yeah, I get it.
Mac: Yeeeeah, I know you do.
You know what’s really funny though?
Tendy: What’s that?
Mac: I’m an Attendant, now
Tendy: Yeah, wow, that’s really cool.
Mac: Yeah, but Tendy is short for Attendant. Mac is short for mechanic.
Tendy: Yeah, but, it doesn’t matt…
Mac: So my name is Tendy now, too
Tendy: haha. Very funny. But…seriously, your name is Mac.
Mac: Tendy the attendant
Tendy: Okay, Mac. Jokes over
Mac: Mac? Who is Mac? I’ve never heard of him. My name’s Tendy.
Tendy: Seriously, Mac?…so what happens next?
Mac: I don’t know bud, but whatever it is, I’m glad we’re doing it together. You know, it’s like they say, till death do us part.
Tendy: You know what? I’m just going to let you have that one.”
Outro Music Plays