Cash: Incoming Broadcast from Desert Skies
Mac: DESERT SKIES FM
Tendy: What was that?
Mac: An intro to our show.
Tendy: It’s not really a show, it’s just some quick announcements. And is this even an FM station?
Mac: I dunno
Tendy: Okay. Greetings Traveler, this is the Attendant of Desert Skies coming live to you from the Desert Skies Astral Plane Fuel and Service Station. I have here with me the Mechanic, also known as Mac.
For those who were still in a state of shock when they left Desert Skies or just weren’t clear about what’s going, here’s a brief recap:
Your life on the physical plane has come to an end
Mac: Ya dead
Tendy: Anyways, after you died you arrived at our little gas station here on the Astral Plane where we gave you supplies and serviced your vehicle for the long journey ahead.
And now, you’re on the Astral Highway. This highway is your way to make way across all thirty-three celestial spheres, after which you will arrive in the next life.
And that’s it. Hopefully that clears things up for anyone who was still having trouble.
Now time for you Astral Highway Safety Tip
Mac: SAFE TRAVELS TIP FOR TRAVELERS ON THE ASTRAL PLANE!!!
Tendy: Uh, that seems a bit much.
Mac: Just rooooll with it Tendy. C’mon, you’re doin great.
Tendy: Wear your seatbelt. Look, you’re already dead, which means you can’t die here. Woohoo! But you can get hurt here on the Astral Plane. So wear it. Wear your seatbelt. Your Skylark is equipped with climate control, which is helpful when you’re driving through a place like the ever stormy eighth Sphere, but it’s not going to be of much use if you brake for a celestial being and go flying through the windshield.
Mac: Yeah, cause then you’ll have a big ol’ hole where rain can come in.
Tendy: You know it Mac. Seriously traveler, who are you trying to impress by not wearing your seatbelt? Click that buckle into place or eat some gravel with your face.
Mac: Wow, impressive rhyme Tendy!
Tendy: Thanks, Mac. I just came up with it right now.
Mac: That was improv?
Tendy: Yeah! I don’t know what came over me.
Mac: Well, it’s impressive.
Mac: Mac the Mechanic here traveler! How the heck are you doing? This is a little segment I call, Rest Your Weary Soul
REST YOUR WEARY SOUL
Tendy: Maybe you should think about toning that intro down a bit
Mac: Not on your life, Tendy. Speaking of your life. Cash, contemplative music please. Life was hard, wasn’t it, Traveler? Maybe even, disappointing. I know that because when travelers show up here they’re often carrying a big ol’ heap of sad with em. They often feel that way because they didn’t do anything big or important with their lives, like become famous, or cure cancer, or learn how to breakdance. You’re not alone, sometimes I feel that way too.
Maybe that’s the way you’re feeling while you drive the Astral highway traveler, but you know what? I think you did do some really big things in your life, but maybe they just looked like a lot a little things.
What in the hell is that Mechanic talking about? You may ask yourself. Well consider this.
There were days on the Physical Plane where you got outta bed when you didn’t think you had the strength. You brushed your teeth, took a shower, maybe put on some deodorant. And you didn’t do that just one time, you did that thousands of times. That took a little bit of bravery every time you did it.
And think about all the times someone told you something and you said “Tell me more”, two of the greatest gifts you ever gave your fellow creatures were those tiny little wads of flesh on the side of your head. I’m talking of course, about your ear holes. It can take a lot of work to listen sometimes, especially when you’re hilarious and always have something interesting to say, like me. But you did it. You listened lots of times. And that helped some people.
And maybe some of you, maybe most of you, had a pet. Think about the life that pet could’ve lived if you weren’t there to give it snuggles from time to time, or put food and water in its bowl. To that pet, you were the most wonderful thing in the world. If you had never been born your dog or cat or goldfish or anaconda could have become a circus animal, and that as I understand it, is a long and tumultuous life.
So remember Traveler, you did a lot of little things, some that I didn’t even list, and the big ol’ world was better off because you spent some time in it. So don’t stress it. Rest Your Weary Soul.
Tendy, are you crying?
Tendy: What? No, of course not. Thanks for that segment Mac. Now, moving onto a message to travelers freshly arriving from the Physical plane. Greetings! You’ll be arriving at the station soon enough, and I wanted to take a moment to tell you about some of our specials of the day.
Mac (singing): SPECIALS OF THE DAY
Tendy: Desert Skies has all your road trip favorites.
Missing the feeling of pure adrenaline that came with doing things like skydiving, asking your crush out on a date, or just answering the telephone. Tera-seraphic soda is the closest thing we have to steroids on the Astral Plane. Get it while supplies last. Mac has been going through it pretty quickly.
Mac: Hey, I’m trying to see if I can make my heart explode
Tendy: Oh, and be sure to check out our many varieties of licorice. We have red licorice, black licorice, and colorless licorice which doesn’t taste like anything, but will cause you to forget that embarrassing thing you said that one time.
Mac: I have one every day! Tendy says it’s why I never learn.
Tendy: And that’s our broadcast, Traveler. Thanks for listening.
Cash: If you’d like to learn more about Desert Skies, just visit a communication station along the Astral Highway. From there, be sure to visit desertskiespodcast.com, where you can sign our guestbook, learn more about the Astral Plane, or access transcripts of previous broadcasts.
Also, be sure to subscribe to our primary podcast transmission simply called Desert Skies, available everywhere you listen to podcasts, I mean, broadcasts.
Now back to your regular programming